Being a Christian is easy, until you have a homeless man in your garage

As many of you know, I moved to Grover Beach, California to attend a nine month leadership ministry school about three weeks ago. It feels like it’s been months. The only time the homesickness has welled came when I was getting my oil changed in my car, something about that country music and smell of a workshop caused the tears to bubble up. I must say, I feel pretty spoiled living so near the deep blue sea. I’ve been able to bike part of Highway 1, hike one of nine volcanic mountains in the area, have a bonfire on the beach, and even took a whack at surfing with my Dad.

Classes have been incredible. Upon the first day of orientation I knew this is exactly where I am to be, for now. Gods already been stretching me so much in my time here and I’ve found myself wrestling with things that I may say verbally but in my heart, I don’t necessarily agree with or even, simply know how to live it. This blog post is mostly meant with the intention of updating those who I haven’t had much of a chance to connect with since moving, as well as, processing some reoccurring thoughts of mine that I have yet to establish what I think. I’m inviting you, as a reader on a computer somewhere out there, to engage. To let me know what you think, how this made you feel, and what you’re currently learning about love.

A few weeks ago, my roommate met a homeless guy on the beach. They hung out for the day and she came alive loving on this man who had yet to know the encompassing love of Jesus. She called asking if he could come over for some snacks and a movie night. Party time. We invited some friends to join the fun and the evening began with our new friend.

Warning: I’m about to get brutally honest with the hopes of genuine feedback from you.

This man was filled with thoughts and notions that blew me away. He openly shared of his past, mostly on the streets, as his parents were drug addicts. He shared his beliefs regarding spiritual matters and religion. I often found myself thinking, “I'm sorry, what?” His thoughts hard to connect with at times and then other times, he was clearer than the view of the ocean out my kitchen window. I knew he needed an encounter with the sweet Jesus I talk to all the time but how? I mean, I’ve hung out with many a homeless before, I’ve spent hours just being with people who in my time with them never accepted the Lord. I “know” what I should be saying and doing but all of a sudden, I realize we have welcomed a man into our home that is presenting and carrying many of the things I fight to keep out. He was speaking untrue things about Jesus, the One I love. How do I open my arms and welcome someone who disagrees so blatantly with what I know to be true and yet, treat him with the inexhaustible love and grace I’m given daily?

Night came and he needed a place. I had thoughts running through my head of fear, logic, and practicality. I had thoughts piercing my heart of love, compassion, and a desire of being abundant with what I have. Another friend stayed for the sake of safety but we gave our new friend the garage. He had a dog, so it just seemed to make sense, right? I tossed and turned that night.

What would Jesus have done?

Seriously. I’m not just throwing those words around, I’m not mindlessly repeating a sermon I heard with a five point essay of “how to love a homeless man.” I’m asking a legitimate question, how do we love? How do I love my neighbor? How do I actually love the brokenhearted with padded bank accounts and those that don’t know where their next meal will come from? I’m tired of loving with caution and comfort. I mean that but then here we are again, at that intersection of what comes out of your mouth and where actions back it up. 

Should I have given this man I didn’t know my own bed? Did he walk away that next morning after pancakes and think “I liked them, they were different”? Or were we just another bunch of stiff people who quoted Scripture and regurgitated what we've heard before. It was that night and many since that I’ve found myself deeply wrestling with my own selfishness and even need to prove myself. I am pretty dang good at being sweet and nice but what about radical and selfless? What about loving till it hurts- what does that even mean?

So here we are, I’ll stop before we hit the mini novel status. I apologize for not being neat and leaving you feeling inspired but then again, if I was able to ruffle your feathers and make you think. Praise Jesus. Christians aren’t called to be mindless. Christians aren’t called to be comfortable and just smile kindly. We are called to love. Join me on the lifelong journey to discovering what that really, truly means?

Surprise.

This photo was taken the other evening as I strolled the streets of my little hometown. Etched in the sidewalk, surprise, a love note from Jesus.

Faith is messy. Faith is beautiful. Faith draws you closer to the heart of the Creator.

In the past six weeks I've seen God move in abundant ways, stories I'm itching to share with the world. I want to shout "GOD IS FAITHFUL" from the highest rooftop. However, since there aren't that many rooftops around here that would be a fan of that idea I'll stick with my recliner this sticky Monday morning and let my fingers do the shouting with the hopes that you, the reader, wherever you may be, will feel the passion arise within that God really is alive.

Since writing last, Jesus has continued to knock me down in awe at his work in my life. I stop to share because the power of testimony can change lives. A testimony can be the thing that pushes you over the edge to say "yes, I believe." Be it believing in God for the first time, or believing that He is good, that He is wanting to speak with you. I was told many months ago that the upcoming season of my life would be one marked by the awe of God in a way I'd never experienced before. I thought that was a neat, thinking it would be a growth within me and who doesn't like to have an increased awe of God? A couple months ago the Lord seemed to whisper, the awe that will grow will be because of acts done- get excited. Wait a second, I'm going to see things happen in my life that will cause me to respond in a way that I'll be greater in awe of you? OH BOY! I had no idea what was to come and even as I type, a smile dances across my face as something tells me I haven't seen anything yet.

We left off last month with the starting of a new design business, a paid plane ticket from a stranger, and the offer of furniture for our home we had yet to find in California. Since that time, we have found a home, my tuition for the ministry school I'm attending has been generously paid in full by a future classmate, I had the amazing gift of sharing one of these stories in front of my wonderful home church of roughly 400 people before they blessed me with prayer and commissioning as I pack up to leave in less than a week.

So I don't turn this into a book, I am going to only share the details of the house story, it's one of my favorites.

I've spent months, entire days, countless hours, calling, researching, emailing, planning, hoping, praying-you get the picture. One of the best parts? As much as I wanted the process of finding a home in California to be over, my peace didn't waver. That wasn't me, that was supernatural. During this time I was so challenged by the process. Why? I know that Jesus can do anything, so therefore, the time in between must have a purpose. The moments where I felt like it would  have been acceptable to freak out a little, I just felt a reassurance. A knowing that this God I've given my life to, is good, he has never and will never fail me. I can't help but wonder if that's the point. The process caused me to say "Jesus, I NEED you. Only you can do this." One day last week I was sitting on the couch and had a little conversation with Jesus that went something like this:

Me: "Okay, Jesus. I don't have a house. I know you and I know that you must have a surprise up your sleeve. What could you possibly orchestrate at this point in the game that would make me go No Freakin' Way?"
pause 
Jesus: "vacation rentals"
Me: (turns head) "That's brilliant."

Let me explain something real quick here. I'd been going to property managers in the area and well, they aren't a big fan of less than a 12 month lease- our story of having six women from all different states and one different country was just seen as messy. Our ministry school is for 9 months, so either me and the other five women I'll be living with would have to pay an extra three months or stay thru the summer next year. However, vacation rentals are really excited with longer leases. I quickly got on the phone and the first place I called, I was welcomed with overwhelming kindness. The voice on the other line the nicest I'd spoken to since I began the journey of finding a home. She partnered with me in finding just the right place. She was excited about our adventure, wanting to know details, and genuinely interested in our story. A seemingly amazing option arose, all utilities included, furnished all the way from couches to sheets and silverware. Nestled two miles from the Church, two blocks from the beach, and two miles from where I hope to be working. The only problem was that it wasn't available until the day school started- I'd have to spend two weeks staying in a hotel. "Jesus, I really want to be able to walk in the door to my home when I arrive in town- if this is where we are supposed to be, can you please make that happen?" The next day the sweet manager calls "Guess what! The man who was staying in the rental just called and said that things ended with his business trip much faster than he expected and plans to be out in a few days!" No Way. In less than a week I'll only have to pack up my clothes, some shoes, and maybe a toothbrush. I will get to live in a beautiful home, within our budget, near the beach. Surprise, Jesus did it again.

Jesus makes me laugh.

The last time I wrote was to announce my newfound plans for the Autumn, going to Iris Leadership School in California. I return today, feet up, the familiar sounds of a coffee shop providing marvelous background music, with the desire to remind or possibly inform you, of the fantastic humor of our Savior. So, sit back, relax, join me in putting your feet up, and chuckle along with me at the way Jesus has been moving in my life lately. 

Let me bring you up to a speed a little, I leave in about six weeks to drive four days, thirty-three hours, with some clothes and pots and pans in tow. I have received a portion of my needed funding to pay off my tuition due for school, I'm still seeking employment, and a home has yet to be found. I've had moments of undoubted curiosity and freak out at the unknowns ahead, as well as, moments of pure excitement.

Now, let's jump back to about ten days ago. A future roommate of mine sent a message informing us that she had made a connection with someone who asked if they could furnish our home. WHAT.  Now remember, we have yet to locate where our home will be for the coming season of our lives. Upon receiving this surprising news, the five women I will be living with began to express that they too had nothing but clothes and a few odds and ends to bring with them. We had no idea but we are all essentially taking a step of faith with hands open and empty and no furniture to speak of. Knowledge we had yet to learn of but the Lord provided before the need was voiced. Sneaky one Jesus, very sneaky.

A few days following this I was lying in bed one night expressing my thoughts, my fears, my dreams to Jesus- attempting to lay them all at his feet, I rolled over to go to sleep. My phone buzzed informing me of a Facebook message. I swiped open my phone only to have a tear slide down my cheek moments after. A tear expressing more awe and surprise than I had ever expected in that moment. A woman I had met once, three years ago, at a conference at the International House of Prayer had messaged me saying that she had read my blog and felt that she was to purchase my plane ticket home for Christmas.  WHAT. A woman I hadn't talked to in years, who lives on the other side of the world. 

God is just a little bigger than I think He is. 

Doubts of being able to pay the tuition attempting to bring me down minutes before and all of a sudden, the Lord showed me that I'd be home for Christmas- by the hand of a practical stranger. If the Lord can provide four months down the road, I can certainly relax about the weeks ahead. Cleaver one Jesus, very cleaver.

In the moments between all of this I found myself on the porch one evening with three of my favorite things: my sketchbook, candles, and worship music. Awhile later I posted a picture of one of my creations and an old friend commented, yet again, of how she felt that I should be selling my prints. She and I met for coffee and long story short- we are opening an Etsy shop together called "Ink & Lace Designs." WHAT. My friend being Jesus to me as she so beautifully believes in me more than I believe in myself. The Lord is teaching me what it looks like to bring the passions He has placed within me to the surface. Creating makes me feel alive and I'm reminded of the love God has of seeing me come alive. I have no idea how this little adventure will turn out but I have been so deeply reminded of the excitement God has for our lives, He dreams bigger than we do. Wow Jesus, wow. 

Moral of the story? Ask Jesus to make you smile this week. He loves to see you smile. 

P.S. Keep an eye out for our first batch of creations from "Ink & Lace Designs" coming to an Etsy shop near you, soon and very soon!

One more thing ( I don't like P.S.S. that just sounds weird) This blog post may sound like God provides extravagantly all day, every day and that I never have moments of doubt or fear. God does provide extravagantly all day, every day but I do unfortunately still struggle to walk in that knowledge at all times. Rejoice with me in the testimonies above and praise the Lord for all that He is doing in our lives that we miss daily. Know that I am on a journey to grow in faith and somedays are harder than others. We must remember the power of our testimony and that by the Blood of the Lamb, we are saved. 

May My Life Be Marked By Faith

I’m going to Iris Leadership School! If you would like to check out where exactly I’m headed, feel free to explore their website. Here is their direct link: 

https://www.irisglobal.org/missions/harvest/leaders-school

For a slight peek into what my time there will hold, here is a snippet found on their web page. “The foundation of this training will include a deeper understanding of growth in identity and character. We will also be training world-changers in both basic & advanced ministry skills and leadership skills. Students will be trained in advanced Bible study, preaching, healing, deliverance, team building, church planting, vision, evangelism, starting Iris bases, building a revival culture, apostolic strategy, becoming a 501(c)3, and much more. Each student will also have the opportunity to practice ministry development in a practical, local church context by starting ministries, raising up leaders, and giving ministries away. There will also be school retreats and missions trips during the school year. And, of course, there will be ample time for prayer, worship, soaking, and personal ministry.”

Again, feel free to explore their website for more information or questions you may have.

Now for my own personal story and how I ended up with this specific adventure on my horizon. As many of you know, I graduated from Taylor University last fall with an undergrad in Social Work. The door opened for me to work at a real estate company in a town near the one I graduated college from. I took the job, got my own apartment, and was on church leadership at the church I had attended during my time at Taylor. Life was consistent with work, church, and my friends there. Then December came, and I felt that I would be moving back to my parents home. I found out that my mom was scheduled to have surgery and I wanted to be there for that process. I moved home early December. After my mothers surgery I asked the Lord what was next, thinking it was time to find a job that I was passionate about. God said to travel. It didn’t make sense but I’ve found life is simply too short not to listen when you feel God is speaking. Within the following eight weeks, I touched the Atlantic, Pacific, and the Gulf of Mexico. I went on many adventures, saw loved ones, and the Lord began to speak to me more about my passions.

It wasn’t this one specific moment where I realized, I want to do ministry, it just happened. I knew I loved being at church growing up, I felt the most alive when speaking about the Lord with others, and I knew my faith would be a very significant part of my life but it was this shift of intentionality, I want to do ministry. I came back home from my last trip ready to commit. I began job searching. I was looking into ministry organizations I respected, Christian camps- you name it, I probably thought about it. Nothing seemed to excite me, even though many were amazing opportunities. One day when I was on facebook, I saw an ad for Heidi Baker’s Global Mission Schools and something in my spirit leapt. I knew Heidi Baker had a school in Mozambique, I even had close friends attend her school, but I didn’t know there were any in the U.S. As I began researching, I found the Leadership School located in Pismo Beach and there it was, excitement. As I read their requested prerequisites  the excitement faded as many I did not meet. I spoke with my Pastor and he encouraged me to give it a shot any way. Weeks went by and I would feel this excitement creep up but I would just push it away as the thought of it happening seemed impossible.

I was wrong. I was accepted. Let me be clear in that once I found out, it wasn’t an automatic I knew that it was what I was to do next. I prayed and prayed and felt that the Lord was allowing me to pick. As I spoke with loved ones, the support and encouragement was overwhelming. I realized that so many of the options I had prior to this seemed, without sounding arrogant, possible to accomplish on my own strength. Where as the Iris School, I could not have even gotten in without the Lord. What an exciting opportunity to continue to step out in faith.

I had this moment that for the rest of my life, I want each step I take to require more faith than the last. I want to live my life so that I trust God to the degree that if He doesn’t come through, I will fall on my face. Stepping out of the boat isn’t easy. So as I move forward in the planning of this next adventure I have moments where it sounds terrifying and overwhelming but then, I realize that I want more of God and the peace that that brings, conquers all other emotions.

Here is where you come in, if you're reading this it means that when I sit down and think about the people in my life I value most, you come to mind. 

I do plan on finding a part-time job once arriving in CA this autumn and I will be working this summer but I know I will need some additional help financially. Here is a list of foreseeable costs:

- $2800 tuition
- rent, groceries, gas money
- gas money to make the initial trip to CA this coming Autumn
- money for a plane ticket to spend Christmas with my family
- student loan bills

If you would like to give, you are able to do so online by going to 

https://www.irisglobal.org/giving-center/leaders-school

You will be able to type in my name, Sarah Lewis, and submit that way.
( Make sure you enter into the second part, tuition payment and not registration fee)

You are also able to mail a check to my current address of 
1015 E. Oak St. Greenville, IL 62246

As always, prayers are appreciated greatly as I prepare to move cross country, leave my family here, live in a place I've never been with people I've never met, seek employment, and attend a school to learn more about the Lord.

Thank you. Thank you for not only taking the time to read this but for all the ways you have invested in me, challenged me, inspired me, encouraged me, and believed in me even when I may not have believed in myself. 

sincerely,
Sarah Dawn

Jesus and I have been talking

"In the company of Jesus, nobody knows where they're going." - Jason Upton

If you've been looking at my social media lately I'm sure you've wondered "what is that girl up to these days?" Social media is a funny thing, you have this ability to portray life in the way that you so desire. Be it the one picture of the day that was actually decent, like the lovely latte art of your mornings coffee, or the reality that your day was inexpressibly better than any photo captured. But then again I find myself asking, if I have the ability to direct the way the world views my journey- how much more impact do I have in the moment to moment choices my days hold. Let me explain.

You may have noticed my life is a little unlike the normal college graduate. I did the degree, I did the 8-5 job and God was very much a part of those chapters of my story but then one day he switched things up on me. A God of kept promises, I know that he is a Provider and that in His sweet timing my next commitment will come to fruition, be it a job, missions, or another opportunity. In the meantime:

 It was in January that the Lord and I began to have a conversation about dreaming. You see, I didn't realize but I had always placed myself in this uncomfortable catch 22 of "God, I'll do whatever you want so let's not waste time figuring out my dreams because I don't know what they are any way-give me my assignment please." I didn't realize that the dreams within me are the touch of His hand. I also didn't realize how uncomfortable and religious I was choosing to be- I had taken the love out of it. I'm not made to be a puppet on a string- I'm made to live a life fueled by unquenchable love for my Savior. The Lord began speaking to me about how my dreams, my passions, are not an accident. "Travel" he said. To which I gave my "are you crazy?" expression as thoughts of irresponsibility began filling my head. A few days later I was east bound. 

Since that day a few months ago- I've gotten lost in the North Carolina pines, I spent an afternoon nestled in driftwood while watching the seals play with the Olympic Mountains on the horizon, I've eaten delicious homemade Greek food in Kentucky, I rode a train along the coast and through the forests of Oregon, I went hiking in the mountains of California, I will kayak the bays of Alabama in a few short days, I drank coffee from Pike's Place while meandering the streets of Seattle, I've watched the sunrise over the ocean after waking up at 3 am just to do so, I've laughed till I cried around the dinner table in Indiana, and between each journey I've come home to a wonderful family in the cornfields of Illinois.

So, what's the point? I realized while driving back from my first trip nearly two months ago that God was at work again-healing, and breathing life into my dreams and long ago given up on. Dreams I'd had not seen come true causing me to shut off the desire to do so any longer. However, I was unaware of this sad choice I'd unconsciously made. God, in His love, wanted to reawaken my heart to the dreams stirring within me, the fire of my passions. The beautiful irony? This was all taking place and continues to take place as I do one of my loves-traveling. I was made for adventure. The feeling of a planes wheels leaving the ground and the unavoidable feeling of your stomach dropping leaves a cheesy grin plastered across my face every time. The moment of stepping onto the sidewalk of an unexplored city, the joy of getting lost in the mountains- nature leaving it's mark be it through sunburns, scratches, bruises, or squishy shoes from rock hopping and not quite making each intended destination. These moments are ones in which my heart has been challenged, dreams given permission to partner with God for the impossible.

I'm not saying I get it entirely but I do know that I'm on the journey of understanding how deeply and passionately God wants to partner with us in our dreams. He wants to remind us that he has empowered us not only in the big picture of dreaming with him but in the day to day moments. I want to encourage you to live- to embrace each day as it comes. Get up five minutes earlier and stare a little longer at the sunrise, take a walk on your lunch break, turn up your favorite song and dust off your dance moves, put down your phone and jot down a poem- do whatever it is that causes your heart beat to quicken, just a little, and then thank the Creator of that love so purposefully placed within you. Dare to dream again.

And never forget, God dreams bigger than you do. and of course, don't forget, get excited.

<the photo at the top was taken as my friend and I choose to get up on morning around three to drive a few hours to the beach to watch the sunrise over the water- never forget the power you have to make yours days great.>

I'm Thankful For The Pain

"I'm thankful for the pain"

71 days ago I moved from the cornfields of Indiana back to the cornfields of Illinois that I grew up in. I returned for the first time one week ago. As I pulled off of I-69, a wave of emotions hit me unexpectedly. Memories began to pour over me like the snow pouring from the sky. I passed the house that I spent my senior year with six of the most amazing girls you'll ever meet. I passed the mint green house on the corner, the home of a couple that has changed my life entirely. The University where just months prior I graduated and yet, it seemed like so long ago that I walked those sidewalks underneath the weight of homework. I passed the complex that held my first apartment. I pulled into the drive of the house of my friends that I spent many evenings at last summer and sat there, looking around. Every where I looked I saw a memory. The scariest part, this wasn't home anymore. 

I moved back to my parents house because I felt the Lord moving and I felt the need of being a daughter once again. The Lord is shaping me in the time of living in the basement of my parents house as a post-grad but my parents house doesn't feel like home either. Recently, I've felt God saying "to rest in Him and to travel." Every time I go to look for a job, conviction closes the computer tab seeking what may be next. He has promised to give me the next step and he has never failed me. In the meantime, I have had the utmost joy of visiting people I love so dearly. A few weeks ago, I headed out to the east coast on a search for a scene that would take my breath away. I hiked, I saw beautiful things but one night, as my sweet friend Steph began telling a story from her day, a revelation struck. It was one of those moments where life stopped. I realized that the most beautiful thing in life are the people around me for there, in their eyes, their actions, their words- I see Jesus. 

As I pulled away from beloved Upland today, tears slid down my cheeks. "God, why? Why does it have to sting every time I leave those I love?" The temptation to love less, to put up walls looked me in the face. In that moment as I headed west, I realized that every tear, every ache of missing someone is worth it because that just means that I am one of the luckiest girls alive. I'm so incredibly blessed to have people in my life worthy to cry over, memories to remind me that I have lived. All of a sudden, the Lord began speaking to me about rejoicing in the reasons surrounding me for the pain I was feeling. 

So this evening as I rest, I'm thankful for the pain of good-byes because it simply means that the good-byes are ones said to relationships that have changed me and shaped me and for that, I will never regret loving deeply.